February,
Sometimes you need to look back
and appreciate what you have now.
of who standing next to you right now.
of who leaving you behind slowly.
Years passed.
And everything has changed.
The environment.
The people.
The feelings.
Feelings that you never realize it will happen to you.
Feelings that you might thinking of, and you just burn it on because you realize, You gone too far.
Everything just changed for our own good.
For this is what you need even though you are not asking for this.
for what you have now, is what you need.
Otherwise, for what you have now, is what you need to learn from it.
This happened to me,
He gave me test to let go of something. With sincere. With redha.
I did.
Then He gave me back more than I deserve .
More than I ever thought.
Today, He gave me challenge.
To test again.
He test us, because He miss us.
To say His great name.
And InsyaAllah, if we keep faith on Him.
He will give more what you need and deserve.
Thanks,
Wednesday 22 February 2017
Saturday 14 January 2017
-----
on 12 January 2017
yesterday before the day, I was shocked by a text. just short text that makes me surprised.
Not a good text actually.
Tomorrow is my birthday.
And not a good start.
On 12th Jan, i didnt feel anything.
My friends start wishing something good.
Something like "be happy", "may Allah bless you."."I cant wait to goto your wedding"
and i was answered like always.
"InsyaAllah, i'll invite all of you."
and then i remembered him.
.
.
.
he wished a good wishes. the calm one.
But.
i didnt feel anyting.
why? just why?
He apologized so many times. Countless.
We even video call.
I didnt even make a smile, even make a smirk.
I just like a picture with moving background.
Why am I like that. After he make apologized.
he ended the call because battery drained.
On that time, i was torn into pieces.
Why? Because on my birthday, I felt nothing. Once in a year.
A new start of the year, I felt nothing.
or maybe its my fault. i cant accept his apologized.
He is sincere, apologized. trying to make me laugh.
But I cant accept.
Maybe im too heartless or maybe im too high expectation or maybe im too depend on him.
maybe im all of it.
Hours by hours, Day by day.
On 13th January,
I still didnt feel anything.
Im just like moving dead body.
On 14th January,
Actually we planned to meet his parents.
But, in early bird, the planned is changed.
He said just nice and slow.
"Assalammualaikum, selamat pagi sayang. Sorry tertido awal semalam. Saya rindu awak.
Awak, rasanya harini tak jadi nak jumpa parents saya sebab nak pi putrajaya and s.alam. Tak dapat jumpa family saya harini, boleh jumpa family saya bulan 10 nanti masa abang saya nikah :)"
He says just nice and with manner.
Im in half awake, just says
"Waalaikummussalam pagi. Okay"
Just like that.
I was tergamam, the day should I officially meet his parents and poof. Burn.
Maybe, im the one who not ready for this day. Maybe Allah make me wait to give someting more I deserve.
But, at that time. I was torn. Plus feels nothing.
At the night, he message me just like always.
I asked him. "Seronok?"
He answered no.
Because you are not here.
I said, no sweet talk.
He said, theres no sweet, but its real.
He tells me that when he in the IKEA,
he smiling and laughing all alone. Even his sister perasan.
He imagine we go to the IKEA and just watching all these perabot and when we back home. Theres nothing. Just sit on the floor.
I was moved.
He's thinking about me. After I mad at him.
I dont even laugh at his joke.
yesterday before the day, I was shocked by a text. just short text that makes me surprised.
Not a good text actually.
Tomorrow is my birthday.
And not a good start.
On 12th Jan, i didnt feel anything.
My friends start wishing something good.
Something like "be happy", "may Allah bless you."."I cant wait to goto your wedding"
and i was answered like always.
"InsyaAllah, i'll invite all of you."
and then i remembered him.
.
.
.
he wished a good wishes. the calm one.
But.
i didnt feel anyting.
why? just why?
He apologized so many times. Countless.
We even video call.
I didnt even make a smile, even make a smirk.
I just like a picture with moving background.
Why am I like that. After he make apologized.
he ended the call because battery drained.
On that time, i was torn into pieces.
Why? Because on my birthday, I felt nothing. Once in a year.
A new start of the year, I felt nothing.
or maybe its my fault. i cant accept his apologized.
He is sincere, apologized. trying to make me laugh.
But I cant accept.
Maybe im too heartless or maybe im too high expectation or maybe im too depend on him.
maybe im all of it.
Hours by hours, Day by day.
On 13th January,
I still didnt feel anything.
Im just like moving dead body.
On 14th January,
Actually we planned to meet his parents.
But, in early bird, the planned is changed.
He said just nice and slow.
"Assalammualaikum, selamat pagi sayang. Sorry tertido awal semalam. Saya rindu awak.
Awak, rasanya harini tak jadi nak jumpa parents saya sebab nak pi putrajaya and s.alam. Tak dapat jumpa family saya harini, boleh jumpa family saya bulan 10 nanti masa abang saya nikah :)"
He says just nice and with manner.
Im in half awake, just says
"Waalaikummussalam pagi. Okay"
Just like that.
I was tergamam, the day should I officially meet his parents and poof. Burn.
Maybe, im the one who not ready for this day. Maybe Allah make me wait to give someting more I deserve.
But, at that time. I was torn. Plus feels nothing.
At the night, he message me just like always.
I asked him. "Seronok?"
He answered no.
Because you are not here.
I said, no sweet talk.
He said, theres no sweet, but its real.
He tells me that when he in the IKEA,
he smiling and laughing all alone. Even his sister perasan.
He imagine we go to the IKEA and just watching all these perabot and when we back home. Theres nothing. Just sit on the floor.
I was moved.
He's thinking about me. After I mad at him.
I dont even laugh at his joke.
Monday 9 January 2017
Harini
Hari ni mungkin hari yang terakhir buat masa sekarang. Hari yang yang akan datang, bakal tiba.
Selepas ini, perjumpaan mungkin sebulan sekali atau beberapa bulan sekali.
Jarak dan masa bermain peranan dalam situasi kami.
Bila kita sering bertemu dan bergurau senda, tiba tiba keadaan berubah menjadi pertemuan yang jauh dan masa memisahkan.
Ini adalah peringkat awal, bagi aku dan dia mengorak langkah kecil.
Orang kata, takpa jauh dimata asal dekat dihati. Betul, tapi bila kita dah selalu berjumpa, dan tibatiba tiada depan Mata. Terasa sakitnya.
Sabar amat penting. Ya, sabar menghadapi dugaan. Allah nak tengok jauh mana kesabaran kita.
Tahun ni akan menjadi tahun yang agak sukar. Dengan aku menghadap praktikal. Dengan dia menghadap PSM 2. Sounds simple. But, yeah. It is not easy as expected. Dia orangnya busy melakukan kerja. Aku orangnya bersahaja melakukan kerja. Dia bukannya orang yang jenis multitasking. One thing at one time. Kalau aku, all things in one time.
Kami 360 habis orangnya.
Jika dia air, aku api.
Jika dia lembut, aku ganas.
Jika dia cakapnya bertutur, aku bersepah.
Jika dia kelakuannya sopan, aku buas.
Jika dia makan nasi kemas, aku ikut suka.
Jika dia marah, aku diam
Jika dia tenang, akulah orang paling kelam kabut.
Kami. Tiada persamaan. Langsung.
Aku seperti perempuan ganas garang yang jalannya seperti gangster pakai Kain.
Dia seperti lelaki tenang cool yang jika ada gempa bumi pun masih relax.
Dalam kegarangan tersulit kemanisan.
Dalam ketenagan terselit ketegasan.
Dalam kata lain. We complete each other even though semuanya purak peranda.
💞
Selepas ini, perjumpaan mungkin sebulan sekali atau beberapa bulan sekali.
Jarak dan masa bermain peranan dalam situasi kami.
Bila kita sering bertemu dan bergurau senda, tiba tiba keadaan berubah menjadi pertemuan yang jauh dan masa memisahkan.
Ini adalah peringkat awal, bagi aku dan dia mengorak langkah kecil.
Orang kata, takpa jauh dimata asal dekat dihati. Betul, tapi bila kita dah selalu berjumpa, dan tibatiba tiada depan Mata. Terasa sakitnya.
Sabar amat penting. Ya, sabar menghadapi dugaan. Allah nak tengok jauh mana kesabaran kita.
Tahun ni akan menjadi tahun yang agak sukar. Dengan aku menghadap praktikal. Dengan dia menghadap PSM 2. Sounds simple. But, yeah. It is not easy as expected. Dia orangnya busy melakukan kerja. Aku orangnya bersahaja melakukan kerja. Dia bukannya orang yang jenis multitasking. One thing at one time. Kalau aku, all things in one time.
Kami 360 habis orangnya.
Jika dia air, aku api.
Jika dia lembut, aku ganas.
Jika dia cakapnya bertutur, aku bersepah.
Jika dia kelakuannya sopan, aku buas.
Jika dia makan nasi kemas, aku ikut suka.
Jika dia marah, aku diam
Jika dia tenang, akulah orang paling kelam kabut.
Kami. Tiada persamaan. Langsung.
Aku seperti perempuan ganas garang yang jalannya seperti gangster pakai Kain.
Dia seperti lelaki tenang cool yang jika ada gempa bumi pun masih relax.
Dalam kegarangan tersulit kemanisan.
Dalam ketenagan terselit ketegasan.
Dalam kata lain. We complete each other even though semuanya purak peranda.
💞
Sunday 16 August 2015
Thursday 11 June 2015
Saturday 14 March 2015
Penat
dulu dah kena,
sekarang pun kena benda yang sama.
Sama. Semua sama.
Bukan tak belajar dari kesilapan.
Tapi...
Tapi...
Tak tahu macam ni kesudahannya.
Nak padankan muka sendiri.
Penat pula.
Asyik padan muka sendiri je.
Duduk diam je lah lepas ni.
Tak nak bermain lagi dengan perasaan.
Penat.
Bukan penat apa.
Cuma penat nak sakit hati.
Thursday 13 November 2014
teringat
Rindunya nak bertemu macam dulu
bergurau macam dulu
ketawa macam dulu
Sekarang
Bila jumpa
Semua berubah
Itu pun jarang
Lama sangat tak jumpa,
Sampai ada perasaan
Taknak jumpa dah
Kalau dapat undur masa balik.
Aku akan hentikan masa.
Bukan apa.
Cuma nak rasa kebahagiaan.
Tapi tak boleh.
Sekarang cuma dapat senyum
Bila teringat sejarah dulu.
At least dapat ukir senyuman.
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